Let the cymbals of popularity tinkle still. Let the butterflies of fame glitter with their wings. I shall envy neither their music nor their colors.
— John Adams
Letters of John Adams Addressed to His Wife
“If I’m not famous by 30, I might as well put a bullet in my head.”
That’s an actual sentence I spoke to one of my closest friends. At the time, I was 28.
Fortunately, unlike during my darkest period in college, I wasn’t serious about suicide. Nonetheless, the sentiment was real. I felt like I somehow needed fame. In retrospect, there was a lot of self-loathing from tough childhood experiences, and I desperately hoped that love from without (i.e., from masses of other people) would somehow make up for hate from within.
As luck would have it, I got to test this hypothesis.
The 4-Hour Workweek, my first book, was published in 2007. It hit the New York Times Hardcover Business bestseller list, where it stayed for an unbroken four years and four months. It was quickly translated into approximately 40 languages, and shit went bonkers. Everything changed.
I was 29.
Soon, I was engulfed in a hailstorm of both great and terrible things, and I was utterly unprepared for any of it.
To kick off this post, let’s start with a real example from 2010. I vividly remember the day I received an email from someone we’ll call “James.” James was a frequent commenter on my blog, and we’d become friendly over time. He was a great guy and a huge help to other readers. I’d given him advice, he’d built a few successful businesses, and we’d developed a nice virtual rapport. That day in 2010, however, I actually received an email from James’ longtime assistant. It was succinct: “James learned so much from you, and he instructed me to give you this video.” I clicked on the attachment. James popped up. He was clearly agitated and clenching his jaw, making contorted faces and speaking strangely. He thanked me for all of my help over the years and explained that it had helped him through some very dark times. He finished by saying that he was sorry, but that he had to end things. That’s when he turned off the video and killed himself.
This experience profoundly fucked me up for a long period of time.
Suffice to say, I didn’t realize that this type of thing was part of the Faustian fame-seeking bargain.
THE 30,000-FOOT VIEW
Now it’s 2020. 13 years, 5 books, 1,000+ blog posts, and nearly 500M podcast downloads later, I’ve learned a few things about the promises and perils of seeking fame.
And I say “seeking fame” deliberately, because—let’s be honest—I’m not really famous. Beyoncé and Brad Pitt are truly famous. They cannot walk around in public anywhere in the world. I am a micro public figure with a monthly audience in the millions or tens of millions. There are legions of people on Instagram alone with audiences of this size. New platforms offer new speed. Some previous unknowns on TikTok, for example, have attracted millions of followers in a matter of weeks.
If you suddenly had 100,000 or 1,000,000 or 10,000,000 more followers, what might happen?
I thought I knew, and I was naive.
This post will explore a lot of things. Chief among them will be answering the question: if you win the popularity game, what might you expect?
I’ll mention some of the rewards and upsides, which can be incredible. I will also talk about some of the risks and downsides, which can be horrifying.
My hope is that this post will help people better understand the wall their ladder is leaning against… before they spend years climbing towards the top. Or, in a world of TikTok-like acceleration, before they let the genie out of the bottle without thinking it through.
If you’re interested in building a large audience to become rich and famous, some warnings and recommendations are in order. If you’re interested in building a large audience you also truly care about and with whom you are vulnerable, even more precautionary tales are in order.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SOME VERY REAL BENEFITS
Let’s cover some of the great stuff first.
One could easily argue that the national exposure that accompanied The 4-Hour Workweek and later books was a necessary ingredient for:
- Meeting many of my now dear friends, including Kevin Rose, Matt Mullenweg, and many others. These are people I hope will be my close brothers and sisters for life. That led to…
- Being able to invest in dozens of early-stage technology deals, the proceeds of which then allowed…
- Helping many causes and organizations that are making a real, positive dent in the world, including education (DonorsChoose, QuestBridge, etc.); scientific research aimed at treatments for chronic depression, PTSD, and other “intractable” psychiatric conditions (Johns Hopkins, UCSF, etc.); and more.
- Launching projects to aid the above (e.g., Trip of Compassion documentary)
And then there are the occasional fringe benefits, like getting tables at busy restaurants, getting free samples of products (although “free” often ends up being the most expensive), and so on.
Many of the things I’m proudest of in life would have been difficult or impossible to accomplish without a large audience. For that, I owe every one of my readers and listeners a huge debt of gratitude.
Using fame as a lever, however, can be tricky.
First off, what type of “fame” do you want? In concrete terms, what would “successful” look like and over what period of time? From 0–100%, how confident are you that you can convert exposure to income? If more than 0%, what evidence do you have to suggest that your strategy will work? Do you have a plan for becoming unfamous if you don’t like it?
During my college years, one of my dorm mate’s dads was a famous Hollywood producer. He once said to me, “You want everyone to know your name and no one to know your face.”
Taking it a step further, we could quote Bill Murray:
I always want to say to people who want to be rich and famous: ‘try being rich first.’ See if that doesn’t cover most of it. There’s not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job. . . . The only good thing about fame is that I’ve gotten out of a couple of speeding tickets. I’ve gotten into a restaurant when I didn’t have a suit and tie on. That’s really about it.
But how could this be true? It seems like a farce. At the very least, it must be an exaggeration, right?
To wrap your head around what “famous” really means, there is one metaphor that might help.
THE TRIBE, THE VILLAGE, THE CITY — THIS IS IMPORTANT
Here’s an email I received in July of 2007:
[Your sport] shows that you are a hypocrite to profess helping others with your book. You are showing a grave example of the White horseman to our children. Shame on you. Shame on you… Shame. And Wickedness… It is the most evil war on earth, the one for blood spectacle for those who would entertain by whoring themselves prostituting violence to those who seek and lust to watch inhumanity. You are an evil one who has gained the world and lost your soul.
What did I do or say that caused this? Was it in response to a how-to article on clubbing baby seals?
Not quite. It was in response to my blog post highlighting the non-profit DonorsChoose.org, which I’ve advised for 10+ years. The explicit goal? To raise money for under-funded public school classrooms. In the introduction, I happened to mention that the founder and CEO of DonorsChoose was my wrestling partner in high school. That’s it.
This same “White horseman” reader proceeded to send me more than a dozen increasingly threatening emails, concluding with “I shall deliver you on judgment day.”
Was that a death threat? Was there anything I should do or could do about it? I’d never dealt with such things, and I didn’t know. But I did know one thing: it was very scary and completely out of the blue.
That week, I shared the above story with a female career blogger. She laughed and said soberly, “Welcome to the party.” She got an average of one death threat and one sex request/threat per week. At the time, our audiences were roughly the same size.
This brings me to the topic of audience size and the metaphor of the tribe, the village, and the city.
Think back to your 5th-grade class. In my case, there were 20–30 kids. Was there anyone totally off the rails in your class? For most of you, there’s a decent chance kids seemed pretty sane. It’s a small sample size.
Next, think back to your freshman year in high school. In my case, there were a few hundred kids. Was there anyone volatile or unbalanced? I can think of at least a handful who were prone to violence and made me uneasy. There were fights. Some kids brought knives to school. There was even a kid rumored to enjoy torturing animals. Keep in mind: this high school was in the same town as my elementary school. What changed? The sample size was larger.
Flash forward to my life in July of 2007, less than three months after the publication of my first book.
In that short span of time, my monthly blog audience had exploded from a small group of friends (20–30?) to the current size of Providence, Rhode Island (180,–200,000 people). Well, let’s dig into that. What do we know of Providence? Here’s one snippet from Wikipedia, and bolding is mine:
Compared to the national average, Providence has an average rate of violent crime and a higher rate of property crime per 100,000 inhabitants. In 2010, there were 15 murders, down from 24 in 2009. In 2010, Providence fared better regarding violent crime than most of its peer cities. Springfield, Massachusetts, has approximately 20,000 fewer residents than Providence but reported 15 murders in 2009, the same number of homicides as Providence but a slightly higher rate per capita.
The point is this: you don’t need to do anything wrong to get death threats, rape threats, etc. You just need a big enough audience. Think of yourself as the leader of a tribe or the mayor of a city.
The averages will dictate that you get a certain number of crazies, con artists, extortionists, possible (or actual) murderers, and so on. In fairness, we should also include a certain number of geniuses, a certain number of good Samaritans, and so on. Sure, your subject matter and content matters, but it doesn’t matter as much as you’d like to think.
To recap: the bigger the population, the more opportunities and problems you will have. A small, self-contained town in Idaho might not have a Pulitzer Prize winner among its residents, but it probably doesn’t need a SWAT team either.
Now, here we are in 2020.
My monthly audience is larger than the size of New York City (NYC).
For fun, Google “New York City” and click on “News.” On some level, those are the dynamics—good and bad—you will need to deal with if your audience is that large.
But let’s assume you only have 100 or 1,000 followers. You should still wonder: At any given time, how many of these people might go off of their meds? And how many of the remaining folks will simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, feeling the need to lash out at someone? The answer will never be zero.
ON THE DARKER SIDE, SOME VERY REAL ISSUES
To quote Henry David Thoreau, “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” (Walden)
With that in mind, let’s look at some very common downsides of exposure. Nearly all of my friends who have audiences of 1M or more have personal stories for every category I’ll describe.
If you’ve ever wondered why many celebrities disappear for a period of time, sometimes years, it’s often in the hopes that the below will fade or go away. Sadly, it’s very hard to put the toothpaste back in the toothpaste tube once you have a large Google footprint.
Best to be aware in advance. Here be dragons…
- Stalkers.
One example to set the tone: Back when I lived in SF, a fan on the East Coast thought I was sending him secret, personalized messages embedded in my public Facebook posts. He believed I was asking him to move into my house and work for me. He told his co-workers, who were worried he’d go postal, so they reported him to the CEO, who reached out to me. It was a close call, and I got lucky. This particular employee had already bought plane tickets for the following week, intending to fly to SF to find me. I got the FBI involved, his family staged an intervention, and, lo and behold, he had gone off of his meds for psychiatric disorders. Another example from 2008, a year after my first book came out. That’s when the first person showed up at my door looking for me. I’d just closed on my first home, a cute little townhouse near Sunnyvale, CA. The random visits didn’t happen sooner, as I’d been renting up to that point.
Many more people followed. My little townhouse was cute, but it was totally unprotected: no gate, no nothing. Eventually, one male stalker ended up hanging out in front of my house nonstop, taking pictures and posting them on social media with comments like “Too bad Tim Ferriss isn’t home. I missed him again!” Things snowballed from there, and I had to sell the house and move. When traveling, I’ve also had to stop posting photos to social until well after the fact. Why? I’ve had people triangulate the city I’m visiting, call every hotel in the city to ask for a registered guest with my last name, and then fly to the country to find me and/or my family. I’ve since learned to use pseudonyms, but we’ll get to that later…
- Death threats.
I get regular death threats, and this is common for public figures. I would estimate I get at least one per month via some channel. Sometimes they’re related to extortion (coming later), but they’re most often from people who are mentally unstable. What are they angry about? Once again, therein lies the rub: it is rarely in response to anything that I’ve said or done. That is the scariest thing, and it’s also why the tribe-village-city metaphor is so apt. The people sending death threats are normally suffering from psychotic episodes, and there is nothing you can do to prevent them.
One example: A few years ago, I received a text message from an unknown number with “I know what you did. I’m going to make you pay.” I have no idea how they got my number, but it went on and on in nebulous terms. I engaged and took screenshots, trying to figure out who it was and what the hell was going on. Since they kept texting, I was able to gather that it was a woman (or someone claiming to be), and she said, “You humiliated me, and now it’s your turn for pain. I know you’re speaking at SXSW, and everyone is going to know and see.” Fortunately, I had enough data to get lawyers, private investigators, and law enforcement involved. It also meant that I had armed security at SXSW that year, and I was constantly on pins and needles, waiting for the other shoe to drop. So…. In the end, did I learn who it was? I did. It was a middle-aged mother living in rural Texas with her husband and two kids. I’D NEVER MET HER, NOR HAD ANY CONTACT WITH HER.
Just months before this happened, two well-known YouTubers in Austin, Texas, had a fan drive 11 hours from New Mexico to their house with a car full of guns. He intended to kill at least one of them. He broke into their home at 4am and hunted for them from room to room, .45-caliber handgun in hand. They hid in a closet and frantically called 911. From related media coverage: “They’re a popular Texas couple on YouTube, but they never thought that would put their lives in danger. That is until an Albuquerque stalker showed up at their house in the middle of the night with a gun and bad intentions.” Fortunately, the police arrived, and the intruder ended up dead, but it could’ve easily ended differently. In some cases, the intended target gets blown away before they even realize what’s happening. Ironically, it’s often the diehard fans professing love who kill them, not “haters” of any type.
Given how often I get threats, and how truly dangerous it can be, I decided to get a concealed carry permit and carry concealed firearms. I wanted to avoid this, and I wish it weren’t the case, but here we are (P.S. Thanks for the frangible round recommendation, Jocko).
I also trained my girlfriend to use a Taser, which relates to the next category…
- Harassment of family members and loved ones.
There are at least two categories of people who will want to find you: fundamentally nice people (albeit overenthusiastic), and fundamentally malevolent people. I hate to put it that way, but I’ve learned that there are people in this world who derive great pleasure from hurting or threatening others.
If either group can’t easily get to you—whether to find you or harm you—they will often go after your family and loved ones.
If they’re an attacker, they will go for what they perceive to be your weakest link. This is precisely why I never mention the names of my closest friends or girlfriends, unless they are public figures already.
Of all the issues in this post, this one upsets me the most. In some respects, I invited this upon myself with my decisions, but none of my loved ones asked for it. Even to write about this aspect makes me furious, so I’ll keep this bullet short.
- Dating woes.
As you might imagine, dating can be a quagmire of liabilities and bear traps. It could be someone hoping to write a clickbait article about their date with you (obviously without disclosing such), or it could be much worse. If you’re a female, this is where things can once again become physically dangerous. If you’re a male, this is where things can become legally dangerous. There are many predators for both sides, and it can make you lose your faith in humanity.
- Extortion attempts.
I could write an entire blog post about this topic. One simple example: In 2019, my team and I received a threat. In essence: “Pay me X now, or I will DDOS your site.” Since a DDOS is a technological attack on a website, and I’m confident in the strength of the Automattic hosting infrastructure, we decided not to respond. The extortionist didn’t like our silence and replied with a bomb threat. This was shortly after the Austin serial bombings, which had killed two people, so I escalated to forensic analysis, investigators, law enforcement, etc. I’ve been very good at tracking down extortionists, I don’t negotiate with terrorists, and I’m more than happy to have public battles if I’m in the right, but… it’s all a huge energy suck. The most common form of extortion is some variety of “Unless you give me X, I’m going to say Y about you.” Fortunately, I’ve spent years deliberately talking about controversial topics and disclosing uncomfortable personal stories. In part, this has been to avoid the temptation to create a squeaky-clean public persona. It also robs would-be extortionists of a lot of common ammo.
If you don’t have your own ammo, this category can be catastrophic. In other words, if you have more fame than resources, you paint yourself into a vulnerable corner. If you have fewer options and fewer allies, you’ll be attractive to predators.
- Desperation messages and pleas for help.
This is a sad category, much like the the suicide video story in the introduction to this piece. It’s one thing to get an “I committed suicide and I’m letting you know” note, which is absolutely awful. It’s quite another to get a message with something like: “You’re my last hope. I have no one else to ask. If you can’t help me with X, Y, and Z in the next 48 hours, I’m going to kill myself.” I have received dozens of these. In the beginning, I tried to help everyone and became horribly enmeshed. This never failed to end in misery and countless sleepless nights. Now, the senders of such notes are referred to suicide hotlines (e.g., 1 (800) 273-8255 in the US; a list of international hotlines [alternative link]) and a post I wrote entitled “Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide.” I owe many thanks to Violet Blue for her moral and tactical support with many of these situations. Thank you, Violet. This is very rough terrain. The more you operate in the world of how-to advice, and the more vulnerable you are with your audience, the more of these you will receive.
- Kidnapping.
If you appear semi-famous online, guess what? Even if you’re not rich, it can be assumed that you have enough money to make a nice ransom. There are places where kidnapping is an established industry, and professionals do this on a regular basis. The US is generally safe, but if you’re flying overseas, you should be aware of a few things.
For example, if you use a car service, give them a fake name (and nothing cute like “James Bond,” which will blow it) that they’ll use on the sign or iPad to find you at luggage claim. Here’s why: it’s common practice for organized crime to have an arrangement to buy flight manifests from airport employees. This means that the potential kidnappers, much like a Michelin three-star restaurant, will Google every name associated with every seat to figure out exactly who is who. If you appear to make an attractive target, they will then go to the airport an hour before you land, find the driver with your name on a sign, and pay or threaten them to leave. They then replace your driver with their own driver, who now holds the sign and waits for you. B’bye! This can take other forms too. Once in Central Asia, I had a driver show up at my hotel to take me to the airport, but… he used my real name, and I’d given the car service a fake name. To buy time, I asked him to wait while I made a few phone calls. About 10 minutes later, the real driver showed up to take me to the airport, using the designated pseudonym. The first fraudulent driver took off, and to this day, I have no idea how he knew where I was staying or when I was leaving. But it bears repeating: there are professionals who do this, and they will be very good at what they do.
- Impersonation, identity theft, etc.
The more visible you are, the more people will attempt to impersonate you or your employees. This could be to hack a website, access a bank account, get a SSN, or otherwise. Companies or fly-by-night entrepreneurs will also use your name and face to sell everything from web services and e-books to shady info products and penis pills (sadly, all real examples). This is something that my lawyers deal with on a weekly basis. It’s non-stop. For both reputational and liability reasons, it’s important to track and guard against much of this.
- Attack and clickbait media.
There are a lot of amazing writers and media professionals with rock-solid ethics. Many of my dear friends are journalists in this camp. On the flip side, there are increasingly large numbers of bad actors due to perverse incentives created by the click-baity, fast-is-the-new-good digital playing field.
Remember the tribe-village-city metaphor? Multiply your target audience size by two. Now recall the percentage of that audience that might be angry or off of their meds. Next, double that percentage to include those who will do gray-area things to advance their careers. Last, give all of those people a job—or contributor status—at a media outlet.
What a fucking mess.
If you don’t like shitty Twitter comments, or if nasty Facebook remarks get under your skin, just wait until you get your first hatchet job profile piece. It won’t be the last, so brush up on your Stoic philosophy.
This is particularly demoralizing when a piece is full of misquotes, even after you’ve corrected fact-checkers via phone (oops!). Pro tip: use email for fact-checking, my friends.
Speaking of friends…
- “Friends” with ulterior motives.
Once you have a decent sized audience or “platform,” the majority of people who want to grab coffee, ask mutual friends for an intro, or—especially—offer you unsolicited favors will have ulterior motives. It took me a long time to accept this, and I paid a hefty tax for being Pollyannaish.
To be clear: I don’t mind pitches, as long as they come upfront. What I can’t stand is fakery to get in someone’s good graces over months, followed with a surprise of “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you about my new book coming out in a few weeks” and similar shenanigans. This has happened to me more times than I can count, and it feels dirty and gross.
This is one of the main reasons for my ongoing blanket policies, like a commitment to not reading any new books published in 2020. It’s also one of the reasons that the majority of my closest friends are not in the public eye.
Be wary of anyone who just “wants to get to know you.” 99 times out of 100, that will be untrue.
- Invasions of privacy.
For all of the reasons in this post (and many more), if you’re doing anything public, you should never have anything mailed to where you live. If you violate that even once, it’s likely that your name and associated address will end up in company or government databases. Those mailing lists are then rented and traded as revenue streams, and it all ultimately ends up searchable. Remember the story of the Austin YouTubers hunted in their own home? Don’t be them.
For safety, unless you want to take huge risks, use a UPS Store or other off-site mailing address for everything. This is a must-have, not a nice-to-have.
IN CONCLUSION
It’s been a wild ride.
Lest it appear otherwise, this is not intended to be a woe-is-me post. I’ve been very fortunate, and I love my life.
That said, all of the above have created heightened levels of anxiety that I didn’t anticipate. I’m lucky to have the support of my family and friends, my girlfriend, and my guardian and fluffball, Molly. I simply couldn’t handle it otherwise.
Would I have listened to all these warnings in advance? Would it have changed my behavior? I don’t know. Perhaps not. Unless you’ve lived it, it might seem like someone is being gifted a Bugatti and complaining about gas mileage.
The entire experience reminds me of the parable of the blind men and the elephant. This is a parable that has been told across different cultures since at least the 1st millennium BCE:
It is a story of a group of blind men, who have never come across an elephant before and who learn and conceptualize what the elephant is like by touching it. Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant’s body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience, and their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other. In some versions, they come to suspect that the other person is dishonest, and they come to blows. The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people’s limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true.
Before 2007, I was the blind men.
Here and there, I’d feel the ears (A celebrity in a cover story! Wow! Must be nice!), the tail (Fancy cars in a photo shoot!), or the tusk (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous!).
Only now do I have some idea of what it’s like to be the elephant itself. No matter what part you grab beforehand, you can’t fully appreciate the scope of experience until you’re in it.
If I’ve learned anything, it is this: fame will not fix your problems.
Instead, fame is likely to magnify all of your insecurities and exaggerate all of your fears. It’s like picking up a fire extinguisher for your pain that ends up being a canister of gasoline.
If you think you have problems that fame will fix, I implore you to work on the inside first. At the very least, work on both in equal measure. I’ve found books like Awareness and Radical Acceptance to be helpful.
If you don’t, you will end up with sand slipping through your fingers, leaving you with the same feelings of emptiness. Only now, along with disappointment, you will have the new challenges described in this post.
I also highly recommend reading Kevin Kelly’s essay entitled “1,000 True Fans.” Is it possible that being “famous” to the right 1,000 people could get you to your goals faster—and be healthier—than seeking the adoration and validation of millions? I tend to think so.
But then again…
Does that mean no one should pursue the path of Great Fame or tempt the sirens of the Great Public? I can’t say that. My intention is simply to shine light upon some of the hazards that such a journey entails.
Perhaps—just perhaps—you should give stardom a shot.
After all, as Jim Carrey has said:
“I think everybody should get rich and famous, and do everything they ever dreamed of, so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
The Tim Ferriss Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than 900 million downloads. It has been selected for "Best of Apple Podcasts" three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it's been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.
I don’t comment on blog articles often. This was absolutely fascinating. Couldn’t put it down. Before I read this I thought being famous would be an exhausting, 24/7 job experience. I guess I was right!
I always found your writing entertaining (back when you were selling “how to bulk” and “how to eat beans all day” posts), but now it’s getting entertaining and good. Sometime in the future, consider sharing the downsides of “shortcuts” people take to get famous. I mean all those grey-zone maneuvers that aren’t evil per se but still constitute a faustian bargain.
I get it! My soon-to-be- published book [Moderator: book name withheld.] has thrown me into the twilight zone and I told the publisher to take my name off the book. But after reading this, I realize I need to hide me. Thanks 🎈judy
Wow Tim…I have *never* read anything from someone with a “famous” presence that detailed the pitfalls like you did. It really puts things in to perspective, especially for those of us who have ever had the “what if?” thought from time-to-time. Thanks for this…
Hey Tim! I’m a new fan. You continue to perplex me, and keep me pondering…it’s a good thing, thanks!
Tim, why do you need “other ways” to practice Stoicism (wearing ugly party pants, fasting, growing facial hair that people don’t like….etc)?
This “perils of fame” blog post proves that the universe has “gifted” you plenty of chances to practice your stoicism without creating more on your own….and on purpose, no less. ??
Self love, Tim! No need for more torture! Particularly when the torture is coming from you! Self love, Tim!
Also….I don’t understand why there is so much surprise over your experiences of being famous….haven’t we seen this over and over again with famous people?
You’re great at painting a picture and telling a story….So, maybe people need details or need to hear it from someone they trust to really believe it? I don’t get it. I thought the “perils of fame” were a known fact, but clearly, I’m the naive one.
Thats so heavy Tim! Like really gnarly stuff, sorry to hear 🙁
it makes me think if Mr. meticulous macgyver Tim Ferriss has security issues how is anyone else even alive
The fame looks pretty expensive now to me, even if you’re poor..
Absolutely amazing read. Thanks Tim. Whoah you certainly expanded my thoughts on fame tenfold!!! Stay safe and thanks again.
I am so sorry to hear about all you and your loved ones have to endure as you help to make the world a better place. Thank you for your post and inspiring podcast
Tim, this is the most honest and enlightening viewpoint I’ve ever heard from someone in your position discussing the bigger problems that success can bring.
Thanks for putting this together and being so vulnerable.
Dang I heard Sam H. refer to this post and it certainly delivered. While I’d love to create fun content and be myself, and make money doing that, I rarely considered what success might look like.
Best of luck using fame as learning experience. May you be at peace in a heightened world of crazies!
Insightful. Thank you sincerely for taking the time to share snippets of the path you’ve experienced.
Onward!!
Hey Tim,
The night before I read your post, I watched Tony Robbins – “I am not your Guru” and reading your post the next day, some things jumped out at me. I hope it helps you or someone else reading it :).
Tony’s question is – what if life were happening for you and not to you?
You have mentioned on podcasts that you are scratching your own itch (the itch starts first) and then sharing helps people. So I wondered, what if it were the other way round? If we assume (by track record) that one of your life purposes is to have this major positive impact on this planet, what if the universe gave you the itch and continues to give you more itches to enable you to do this? What if they only ever existed to start with to help you to reach your highest potential?
Mabe the crazies are a sign post. You said they represent New York’s crazies on volume. The flip side of that is that there is a base of people on the scale of New York who are regular individuals and who you help – that’s huge.
I wonder what would happen if you were unbelievably, enormously and profoundly grateful and proud for the itch and the crazies ..?
Brilliant and profound. I’ve been a follower and fan since you started in 2007 — I could probably dig up my old login from an ancient backup 😉 Your words about fame are spot on, it’s fascinating to read about your voyage from then to now. I grew up in the Hollywood Hills where the entire spectrum of fame-seeking, posturing and status-seeking pervaded every aspect of life in the music and picture businesses. The unspoken hierarchy of fame was a fact of life, Kathy Griffin country. Your classmates often were either famous themselves or the children of famous parents, or alternately had relatives involved in other aspects of the picture business. Then there’s the star suckers who come to Hollywood to try to get famous themselves, or failing that, attempt to latch on to someone who is. When you’re just a kid, you don’t realize the rest of the world isn’t like that. Combine the movie Parasite with the fairy tale of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, strip out the happy ending, and that’s pretty much what actually happened. Full disclosure: Jay Sebring was a close friend of my then-boyfriend. My second husband was also a recognizable movie star. As he aged out of the fame cycle, and out of work, he became increasingly isolated. Any time someone recognized him, it flipped some weird “celebrity switch” in their brain, triggering fawning obsequious behavior which required him to respond in character so as not to disappoint them. It was a psychological prison–he didn’t like going anywhere outside of a controlled environment. Losing fame can be a far harder road than gaining it in the first place, and you can’t take your star on Hollywood Blvd with you into the next life, or use it to grease the skids in this one. When it comes to fame, nothing says it better than “be careful what you wish for”.
I was aghast at your description of fame. There were so many points I never considered. I truly have a newly developed respect and admiration for you Tim.
What a brilliant article. From someone who has no Interest in being famous. I’d never go public if I won the lottery either.
Thanks for sharing your blog post on fame. I had definitely never given much thought to it’s dark side. It must be so stressful! I think your friend’s dad who was a famous producer got it right.
I’ve been blogging for 13 years and probably have 500 regular readers. I’ve wished for more. After reading this, I see that I have a nice community around my blog and I get to live a regular life. I think I’ll decide to be happy with that.
Well said. This is an amazing piece and I really admire your willingness to speak to this with introspection and honesty. Too many people and especially young people think being famous is the answer. Great to see a voice sharing the real issues from experience..
Tim,
What a brave and honest lesson you provided as to the downside of fame. For those who enjoy your writing (I do for its marvelous insights!) we are fortunate you prevail with your deep thoughts.
As a former Wall Street analyst (don’t delete me!)in the 1990s I had my own taste of fame and fortune. With that, came negativity from others and I felt the spikes. In an increasingly social media world, I can imagine what you endured.
A thank you for doing so and continuing on!
Linda [Moderator: link removed.]
I really appreciate your willingness to be open about this topic in such a detailed and succinct manner. We hear this often from celebrities in interviews, but it’s generally a one-off statement that I imagine we all tend to brush off. Hearing the many pitfalls of fame in one article is eye-opening. Thank you as always for showing the truth behind the pretty picture.
Wonderfully written and timely. While I don’t know if my book will ever reach the epic readership you have, this has definitely given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Thank you so much Tim!!!
This is the reality that I wish more people talked about. Your description of what happens in the shadows has put a lot of what I thought I wanted into perspective.
I can’t thank you enough for all you have done for me over the years. Please keep up the great work.
Fame has never been appealing to me. Since I was young I never understood the appeal of inviting unsolicited opinions from strangers about my life, my decisions or my value as a human being. Furthermore, the intrusion you describe would be frightening.
Being rich? That can be a trap too. Chasing validation through wealth, status, and titles can bring disappointment as well. And if we are honest with ourselves we aren’t always driving that luxury car because we like nice things. Sometimes we are hoping to be perceived as important. Don’t get me wrong having no money or very little can suck. In our world, money creates value, power and opportunity. Right or wrong, there it is.
But at 50, with grown daughters, one of my greatest wishes for them is that they not be enamored with fame or material things. My hope is that they find value in their ideas, their compassion towards others, their authenticity and their conscientious efforts to do their best. I don’t want them to care about the value someone else puts on them…pretty idealistic, I know! But they’re already more intentional and self aware than their parents so I’m hopeful.
Best wishes. I enjoy your podcast and use your five bullet Friday’s as inspiration to keep learning!
I’ve always enjoyed your writing and social commentary. Keep up the good work my man. Now let me tell you about this great investment opportunity. Have you heard of “Timeshares”… Just kidding.
When I was younger, I thought I wanted/needed to be famous. Sometimes I think I still would like to be, but only within a small circle of people (like within my profession – biotechnology). But even then, when I’m at conferences I see the fan-boys, the inflated egos, the false smiles and I cringe. I hate phonies (Holden Caulfield left an indelible impression) and I value my privacy. So, as Mr. Murray suggested: Try rich first and see if that doesn’t fulfill your needs.
Cheers.
Do some research or at least think a bit before you toss sentences like ” The people sending death threats are normally suffering from psychotic episodes, and there is nothing you can do to prevent them.” —– It is a well documented and common fact that this is a prejudice from last century. Just google it.” People with an antisocial personality can sometimes pose a threat to others because they can be violent. Most people with psychosis are more likely to harm themselves than others. “https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/psychosis/symptoms/
Cheers, Tash
Most people want to become famous – because they see their lifestyle. Often you should be chasing rich. And fame can be a by product.
But like you said – it’s better without fame.
This pretty much sums everything up for me.
“If I’ve learned anything, it is this: fame will not fix your problems.”
Being famous is good, but rather than solve your problems, it’ll most likely escalate them.
Thanks for sharing your experience with the world, Tim.
It sure provides a deeper understanding of fame, especially from someone who’s been there.
Thank you.
Re the bit near the end about not having things delivered to your home… I travel more or less continuously, and use a mailbox service called EarthClassMail, and it is AWESOME. You can have addresses in different cities. They will receive & scan your paper mail to PDF, and will aggregate & ship physical stuff wherever you like. Not the cheapest thing in the world, but if you want to keep your location a secret or if you just don’t know where you will be from month to month, it’s the best thing ever.
I’m pretty sure that leaving this comment will increase my potential audience size by several orders of magnitude. So, I’ll keep it short. TJS
I actually was forwarded this link and I’m glad because I would never have found it otherwise—I have to admit I had not heard of you! Yes, I live under a rock! But this is exactly what I have suspected about fame. I know some famous people, and they don’t complain, but they are cautious with who they allow close to them. As a normal person without any desire to be famous, I felt at first that they were rather cold. Over time they have gotten friendlier with me. But their lives are different, and trusting people is a luxury. I fully agree—being rich is enough!
I really appreciated this post. There are many decoys to true happiness and contentment and being famous is a big one. I occasionally still fantasize about a large following but I try to refocus myself on what it is that I’m actually craving. What want to put out there, how can I best help people, what would feel satisfying, how to stay in touch with my feelings in the process.
Oh, and trolls on social media seriously suck. Working on my stoic muscles.
I remember the story of when the CEO of my east coast computer company went out to Silicon Valley to meet with a famous CEO out there. Our CEO lived in a typical suburban house in a typical suburb. All very low key. The Silicon Valley CEO, known worldwide, lived in a gated compound. I’d take the typical home any day.
Holy Crap. I’m so sorry you have THIS many examples. But your math analogy makes complete sense. There is always a group of unbalanced people in any large crowd. Valuable but sad lessons.
Wow, this was very thought-provoking, truly eye-opening. This article was also my introduction to your work; I vaguely recall seeing your name online somewhere but I never checked out your work.
First, thanks for your candor on a pertinent topic which is rarely, if ever, discussed. Like most pursuits / goals in America today, too many people believe that the “ends always justify the means.” Worse than that is the reality that…the goal once achieved doesn’t change anything…or at least with pros and cons as you revealed in this post.
Secondly, I’d be lying if I said I’ve never dreamt of massive fame…but I definitely do not want the terrible stress and responsibility of fame. That being said, as a fledgling writer, I dream of becoming financially independent. I currently have a well-paying job but it is very time-consuming and very physically detrimental. Per your article, fame would cause more problems than it solves. However it seems that receiving a large income from writing requires lots of exposure. Sigh.
Last but not least, I sincerely wish all the best for you and yours Tim. Thanks again for the informative article.
Dear Tim,
This is not enough.
You are the “how to” guy, not the “how not to” guy.
I want to see your advice how to hack fame just like you hacked work, business, and biology.
I need to figure out how to protect my very talented teenage daughter who is pursuing a performing arts career, and all I am is nervous and scared. Write the book and I’ll buy it. Looks like there are many other commenters here that would as well.
Brilliant Tim. Hope everything is well for you.
What a post, this is incredibly insightful, puts words on things I have been discussing for years, saying that I did not envy famous people, but not being capable to explain why in details. The thing that I always thought is that when you are famous, people call you by your name and you don’t know them; your fans scream I LOVE YOU to you and they don’t know that you are like everyone -imperfect, afraid, happy, sad, lost, all the jazz about being human); you can get in the illusion that you are loved (see the documentary about Taylor Swift on Netflix) where ini fact you are alone.
Thanks Tim for taking the time to share your story and publish this post!
Well, that settles it then. “Become famous” is crossed out of my To Do list.
Hello, I’m an artist with a degree in computer science. Anyway your post is interesting about people and outliers and things in general. I wanted to ask a writer now that I’m making my first comic book, what is “the”’s purpose in writing? I draw a picture a dialog, there is no “the”
Thank you so much for writing and sharing this, Tim. Definitely food for thought. May your good experiences always outweighs the bad.🙏🏽💛
An excellent reminder of what life is about–and it is not what you can see and touch and hear and taste and smell. It is who you love and who loves you back.
And I love you ending with the Jim Carrey quote. It was apparent that, either in the process of him making “Bruce Almighty” or during that time period, that something changed within Mr. Carrey and how he viewed life and God and what matters.
Hopefully the random guy on the street pitching you his great new app ideas has quieted down a bit. I imagine you must have had a good ten years of those.
Unfortunately, you don’t seem to have solved your problem. Bringing firearms into the equation is just one more way to get you or someone else hurt.
I’ve noticed that even a small blog can make a person very famous. There is a “King of the Mountain” undertone to your blog. I’m a winner. You (the reader) are beneath me. Knock me down. Perhaps it comes from your MMA days.
You’re very smart and an incredible over-achiever. Your techniques are flawless. The advice about PO Boxes is spot on. I recommend the same thing for Driver’s license and registration. Never give out your home address.
You just solved a big dilemma for me. From now on I would rather keep working on making money (which is already on right track) instead of trying to be famous.
Thank you for this. I do have one question: what do you advice for someone who absolutely does NOT want to be famous, but has a message to share that she feels very strongly about and that is likely to blow up?
Always been fascinated by how the ‘rich and famous’ live and what their life would be like. I thought of many of the things you mentioned and yes surprised by many haven’t even considered. Great thought evoking article. And thought evoking in my opinion are the best. Thanks for sharing
You do awesome work, share beautiful thoughts, and help us all. Sucks that this has happened to you. Wishing you good health and lots of happiness! Quiet time can be had at guana island, btw
Fascinating writing and thoughts, thanks!!
Hey Tim,
You wrote – “If I’m not famous by 30, I might as well put a bullet in my head.”
That’s an actual sentence I spoke to one of my closest friends. At the time, I was 28.”
Why?
P.S. The article is great and the quote by Jim Carrey in the end unbelievable.
Thank you
OK so given all that you have learned, turning back the clock. Would you have written your books et al under a pseudonym?
Whilst it wouldn’t have stopped your real name getting out, it would have flummoxed some of lazy stalkers/trollers etc. and allowed you to get a bit of $$$ behind you before the professional crazies came out of the woodwork.
It’s very funny you talk about getting funked over in dating because you’re famous. I’d never heard of you before today (sorry?), and when I saw and heard you reading poetry for OnBeing, I melted on the floor a bit and thought “Oh, who’s this fella? I would like to say ‘hello'”…then come to find out, allllll the ladies are telling you Hi! 😉
I appreciate you, Tim.
Thank you for the run down on fame, living in the UK we watch many USA made TV programs. Now know they are fact not fiction. Only the real bad dudes have guns and they are small in number same as intelligence. Love the way you write and promise to never stalk you, have too much to do, cannot waste time.
Every country has its share of bone heads and on the brighter side when sending you death threats they leave me alone, many cannot multi-task, that is why.
It’s the same for “having physical stuff” or “accomplishing your dreams” in that… it isn’t physical material things that makes you happy. Being happy is a product of having enough neurotransmitters synthesized by very specific types of proteins… and once you have enough, it’s the triggers that release those neurotransmitters.
I have felt I had everything I ever wanted or on the path to everything I ever wanted. I had everything I asked for years before. I was exactly where I wanted to be when we made the state championship, a “perfect girlfriend”(or I would have thought a few years ago) and the only thing missing was an NFL dream that technically wasn’t even over unless I gave up on it, which I ultimately did. But I still cried for no reason because of the chemical imbalance.
I’ve also sat around accomplishing nothing towards my own creation and potential working for someone else for a living and feeling happy for no reason for years due to knowing about brain chemical tricks…. but isolating myself and not trusting people outside of a small circle of friends and family and noticed that I’d be happy until I started comparing myself to others.
I feel living life for the emotion of feeling good all of the time isn’t necessarily the answer. There are certain values where it’s worth occasionally giving up comfort for. Better yet, become a master over your own mind. Conditioning yourself to feel good about the right things and motivated enough by the wrong things can move you forward and enjoy life as a journey rather than the destination is probably the way to go.
And people will change careers, aspiration, financial situations, looks, desire for you and most things that people are initially most attracted to. I’ve become too cynical about relationships like I’ve noticed many others have because I always had a bad strategy. I think that’s the first time I’ve thought of that or admitted that to myself. What tends to change a lot less than the other things is mission and values. Find a partner that shares the same life mission and enough values that no matter where each of you are in life you still share a bond that will last.
Great read and indeed insightful. Similar principles applies when you become the face of a certain community. In my case, there have been faces of the Deaf Community that received backlashes especially when there are people who know your family or what they’ve done in 3rd grade (or even 7th grade) and even a pic that was circulated from about 30 years ago (or whatever number of years ago) that triggered people to respond in ways that are against or for them.
Wow! Great read.
,Heart to pen.’
Thank you for sharing your insight!
As for me, fame is “overreacted” [Moderator: link removed.] if you know what I mean. And you are totally right that it won`t change any problems.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your post 🙂
Just signed up for the blog after years of enjoying your stuff…funny story: it all started with finding a discarded copy of the 4 Hour Work Week sitting in a beautiful rented beach house in the Abacos on vacation in 2013….what a game changer! Anyway this is the first thing I read…..DAMN Tim….some tough stuff there…I have always looked askance at fame and thought…”ehhhh I’m good”…NOW I know why! Keep your head up and keep working…it’s important and you do a LOT of good brother…..God bless…SSP
“It’s like picking up a fire extinguisher for your pain that ends up being a canister of gasoline.”
Of all that you do, which is commendable itself for your depth of commitment to ‘your truth’, you are a really talented writer. Thank you for the care you take with words. And for continuing the struggle to contribute something of value. A great read. And also, I’m sorry for its many hard-learned truths. Wish it wasn’t so.
Thank you so much. I’m aware of the human tendency to tear down its leaders, but rarely does one get a sense of the experience from the point of view of the person subject to this sad phenomenon. Bravo to you for weathering these tragic (in varying degrees for all involved) storms. And sharing. Means the world that we share our true experiences – trunk, tail and tusks. 🙂
Thank You, what a hugely interesting post. Maybe for all the wrong reasons, but eye opening nonetheless. Be Well.
Thanks for posting this. I read the entire essay with my short attention span, as I knew it was important.
You have brilliantly (no surprise!) outlined why I would prefer NOT to be famous. However, I am working on a project that is geared towards those who live in extreme poverty, which would mean that 1) it has to be known/famous in many countries and 2) I can’t just reach out to 1000 true fans. You have made a number of suggestions about keeping my private information away form the public eye, but do you have additional advice (a playbook?) on how to get ‘famous’ and how to safe and not get bullied? How would you have restructured your own journey if you had known all this at the start?
My husband always has said he wants to be rich but not famous. After reading this I see why. This is so well written and horrifying!!
Great stuff. Something I needed to read today. Thank you, Tim.
Wow! Nice. Don’t really have much to say. Article was an eye opener. Maybe you can incorporate a Facebook style like button. So people can “like” or “unlike” the post without really commenting.
If there is a component missing in this article, it is to mention the positive impact you have had on millions of souls in need. You have helped my life immensely, Tim. Your books, your podcasts, your courage. And I am grateful for your sacrifices.
Your outreach, and area of influence expands because of your capacity to love and serve communities. Now to avoid any or all of the previously mentioned hazards that apparently are glued indelibly to fame—these issues are managed through the power of positive thinking. And alignment with good feelings. Love for self provides fuel to focus on the goal, which is to keep this community’s heartbeat going strong. You’re accomplishing that. I see it. Others do too. And I wish to bring it to your attention, directly. And say thank you. I am grateful to you.
-William Vincent Carleton
Obrigado pelo texto, Tim! Como sempre inspirador na busca do autoconhecimento.
Great post! I have a question though. I don’t want to be famous and I don’t want to post on social media (or anywhere else). I am launching a product which is a result of me overcoming some things in my life and my personal story could really help make the product successful and build trust. How do I approach the marketing of this product without showing myself anywhere?
Amazing intense blog im gratefull for your openness and honesty
hahaha, holy moly man. glad you didn’t answer my email, i don’t want people associating me with you, lol. anyway, since your book, i have a little more interest in your work but only to grow and develop myself as well. thanks!! 🙂
I’m not famous but I’ve experienced every single one of those downsides (and use pretty much all of those tips) through the unlucky chance of having a stalker – which supports the tribe/village/city theory of it just being statistics. Though now I’m thinking, if I’m already prepped, I might as well become famous …
Great writing!
I drew the same conclusion, though I never wanted to be famous.
amazing post. now i have new reason to be carefull off
The Faustian nature of fame perfectly laid out here, thanks Tim. I must admit, I do fantasise about fame sometimes. I see it as an egotistical shortcoming based on having a traumatic and unpopular childhood: ‘people should know who I am!’. Yet I have little to nothing useful to offer. As I have now hit my 30s, I realise more that one can do everything needed for mental health and wellbeing with a ‘village’, without the majority of negative effects listed above. What good is fame (or riches, for that matter) to you when you’re dead? Whether 1 or 1000 people visit your grave is of no difference.
There is nothing wrong with being a famous person. We need to improve their fame world so everyone can be famous in a happy, healthy, and safe way.
Great read. Thanks for posting! I have a tiny (sub-100) Twitter following and have been more active there recently, so more likely to gain followers. This has made me think carefully about the type of audience and scale of audience I want.
I think I fall into the fundamentally nice people (albeit overenthusiastic) camp LOL… long time admirer of Tim’s work which transformed my life health and wealth wise… especially the 4 hour body ad chef books and videos. He was way ahead of the curve when it came to the low carb, Keto, carnivore trends… Also love the random shows with Kevin Digg Rose…. who experienced all this fame and fortune much younger than Tim did…